Open Up Your Throat

Starbucks is about to blow away. The umbrellas sort of look like seizing jellyfish.

What’s even cooler- the sky is a real dull white, so you can’t see the lightening, but it still flashes, so that it’s more of a blink. Like the sky is a dying bulb, about to go out.
There is a really quiet Indian couple that lives above us. I wish their living habits were as silent as their social habits. My goodness, how can such a tiny couple make so much noise?? They do have the cutest little baby with a full head of black hair, eyes the size of his face, and a little gold bracelet. … When am I going to learn that bracelet doesn’t have an O in it?? Probably never.
My room has as corner. With a deep antique chair, and a tall lamp, and a picture of Somalian children dancing in one of those mini dust tornados.
I also have a beetle, or had a beetle before my killer instincts kicked in and I squished him into oblivion. Thats what it gets for being about the size of my thumb and landing on my back at 3 am in the morning. He met his end somewhere in the middle of my box-spring. When i ripped back all the covers and he was nowhere to be found, I lifted my mattress and there he was. A mad dash for the tissue and three, count them, THREE squishes later, he was dead.
In the bathroom here they have a sticker that teaches employees how to wash hands.
1. wet 2. soap 3. wash 4.rinse 5. dry 6. turn off water.
I wonder what einstein’s job it was to come up with that equation.
“Whats that Bill? We’ve got step six figured? It’s so simple! Call my wife back and tell her I will be home for dinner.”
I wonder what he’ s doing right now. Probably reinventing hop scotch.
Today I took William Shatner to Bawcomville to get my broken off dipstick out of its holder. Watching four big Bubbas try to pull that thing out of there was hysterical. They all thought they had the tool that would do it. A screw, pliers, a magnet, barber scissors. Finally the biggest one of the group (we are talking 6’5 and at LEAST 270) explained to the us that it was about finesse, not power. A gentle jiggle later we had it out. They charged me a low 20 bucks and all tipped their hate, “ma’am.”
Ever realize that it REALLY isn’t going to stop raining, and you’ve just missed the only opening where it was a drizzle instead of a downpour to run to your car? I have.
Did you know that people who have events to look forward to are generally happier in life?
I have a plane ticket:) courtesy of an early Christmas present from mamma.
I’m supposed to be reading The Country Wife, but stopped because I was literally so disgusted with how the men were talking about women, and all the infidelity. I don’t care if it was written in the 18th century. When attitudes about fidelity and integrity are haven’t really changed much, its nauseating to read.
It’s so good to have a good man. Rephrasing. So great to have a really, realllly great man.
It’s drizzling again, and I won’t be fooled twice.

One thought on “Open Up Your Throat

  1. So so fun! You write like you talk; I can hear it as I read. Love the ending, and yes, I know exactly what you mean about missing the opportunity to run to the car … such a sick feeling, really. I relate with a lot that you write.

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