I’m reblogging this not only because it is something I’ve always agreed with, but more importantly, because it is something that I’ve heard SO many times from older couples who are married. That there is no perfect moment, you’ll never have the right amount of money, or the right house, or the right job, and if you wait for all those to come along you will never do it.
And while goals are great and it’s good to eliminate any speed bumps you can from your future, it really is important to struggle together. I’m not suggesting you start burning half your life savings and quit changing the oil in your car. But if we know that overcoming struggle builds character, wouldn’t you want to build character as one unit with your spouse? My Gran and Grandad are comfortably retired, travel, and haven’t stressed seriously over money for a while. And yet their favorite stories to tell aren’t about their trip to France, or the last bed and breakfast they stayed at. It’s the one when they were living in a train car that had been make-shifted into a house in the middle of a field. It’s the one about driving through the night with a one week old when my grandfather got stationed in Kentucky, and the baby spit up on my Gran’s only dress she brought with her.
Perhaps we have such a hard time struggling *with* one another because we have been conditioned to struggle alone. And if we are going to go through these trials, these spans of no money, apartments with leaky faucets and loud neighbors, the post college jobs, wouldn’t it be better to have that partner to turn to and say I don’t have this, but I’m sure glad you’re here.
This post also rings true on living together before marriage. So many people my age are absolutely SHOCKED when they learn my boyfriend and I have dated for almost 3 years and we still don’t live together. And I hear the exact statements this author is referencing, “I would need to know if I could live with him before I married him.” Or, “what if the two of you have completely separate living habits? That causes a lot of divorce.”
Incorrect. People cause divorce. This whole “try it out” mentality is so much of what’s wrong with how people view marriage today.
1. It shows selfishness. If he can’t live how I live, maybe we shouldn’t live together.
2. If we live together and I don’t like it, it’s still ok to back out. Yeah, THAT’S the attitude you should have when it comes to someone you’re dating seriously enough to move in with.
We live in a throw away society, from food and material, to marriage, unborn children and the elderly. When minimized, this often boils down to a very “me” oriented mindset.
Whether you’re in favor of it or not, the reality is that marriage is a core concept of society. It has been a part of society since the beginning, across cultures and countries for centuries. We are so quick to dispose of something that has been an integral part of this country’s backbone for so long, and this is a bad habit we are passing on to our children. Do us a favor, skip the “take your elbows off the table” lesson, and put “marriage is a vow that is FOREVER” at the top of the list.
I met my wife on eHarmony. I was a morning rock DJ in Delaware, she was living in Maryland and finishing up her degree. I drove two and a half hours to pick her up for our first date. I spent most of my bi-weekly paycheck on tickets to a dinner theater in Baltimore. The rest went to gas and tolls.
And that’s the way it would go for the next year and a half (minus the dinner theater part). Once a week, I’d spend money I didn’t have and drive the 260 mile roundtrip to see the love of my life. Sometimes I’d sleep for a few hours in the guest room at her mom’s house, waking up at 2AM to head back to the coast for my 5:30AM radio show.
I was very tired back then.
Lord, was I broke.
She’d take turns driving my way, burning gas she couldn’t afford to burn and…
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